82 Candles...

Yet another year has rolled in and another candle is placed asside, never to be blown out by the man who should have been able to blow every one of the last 15 out.

This year i have had a cold, though while i had been getting better, today, i let my guard down and it has won and made me feel more misserable than the day normally makes me.
A day that should be set asside for celebration, now sees me remembering... missing my dad so much... with each year, the memories of celebrations past never fade... which i am so gratful for... though that cake that we used to laugh about so much gets further and further away.. sinking deeper into my memories.
These memories are all i have now.. all that i can find solace in.. we are too far from where he is buried so spending time, laying roses in his memory is not an option for me any longer... i just have to find a way through the day...

After all these years Dad... do you remember the first time i ever made you a birthday cake? I do, i remember how i stood at the oven door so impatiently for the cake to be done.. do you remember my dissapointment when the cake had not even risen an inch!? I was so upset that i had not made you the perfect cake that you deserved. I painstakenly made the icing with fresh passionfruit from your beauitful garden, with the seeds included...

I remember that i smiled through tears as you being the man you were, laughed, trying to cheer me up and blew out the candles anyway. You told me in all honesty that it was the best cake you had ever seen. Remember how i promised to make the next birthday cake so much better?
I laugh at the thought, even through the tears that fall right now, That cake was all that i promised.. it rose like a dream. It didnt crumble and came out of the tin perfectly.. though the food colouring brand i used sent the icing which i had wanted to be a pretty blue, was almost fluroescent it was so bright.. do you remember!?
Again you praised me like you have always done.

Afterwards, it became tradition that i would make your cake each year and thankfully they got better, though, slowly!

Dad, i have now mastered the art of cake making and can even make the icing the colour and shade i want it to be, you would be so proud!!! Though, no doubt, you being youit would not matter one little bit if it was hollow and sunken in the middle and resembled the colour of the brightest mid day sun, you would love it and eagerly blow those 82 candles out.

I miss making those cakes for you..

I miss the laughter that went along with them at the memory of the cakes before..

I miss you so much...

That never gets easier..

I love you.. Happy 82nd Birthday Daddy. xxx